I have a lot of interesting attributes and am comprised of many characteristics. One of my favorite things about myself is my value for honesty and showing people the real me. I always look for people I can be real with when I’m beginning a new friendship. A blog is kind of like the beginning of a new friendship right?
In the spirit of this quality, I begin today’s post.
This week (7/6-7/12 I ended up posting this late…) has been one of the most difficult weeks I have had since the first few months of the postpartum period, that for me is unfortunately a torment. I have felt depressed, inadequate, unworthy and so very aware of all the ways I have fallen short as a mother and wife lately. I would will myself into a better attitude only to find myself in a pit of negativity yet again. Then, it occurred to me all the needs I have that contribute to my peace of mind have been neglected for some time.
So, today my husband gently banished me from the house for what I like to call Mommy and Me time. In my house, I have Mommy and Millie time, Mommy and Ellie time and Mommy and Me time. Mommy and Me time does not involve my children. It recognizes both parts of who I am, the mother and the woman who often allows herself to be overshadowed by the Mommy title. Mommy and Me time takes both of those infinitely important pieces of who I am and weaves them back together again. The less time I make for myself the more separated Bree and Mommy become. Peace begins to feel further away.
When I’m feeling this way it is easy to feel someone or thing is to blame and I look for excuses. In my mind my husband gets alone time so that’s why I don’t. My children are selfish babies (HAHA Babies aren’t selfish. They are just babies). No one cares about my needs. It is true that someone is to blame. I am to blame. I am choosing not to make my needs a priority. I have made a commitment to myself to make my needs a priority for my emotional health but also for the health of my family. It isn’t easy but it is worth my time.
I wrote this so I could hold myself accountable, so I could openly admit I am responsible for me. I also hope that if anyone else gets to feeling like I do sometimes my words will serve as encouragement. You and I aren’t alone in the ever changing balancing act of Mommy and Me.